Response: “I had to delete your comment”
I’ve been wanting to respond to your “I had to delete your comment” that you wrote after I simply made a comment that Margie’s kids defriended me because they can’t argue logically – leftism has no logic - ever since you said that, and to respond to other things you have said or written regarding family relationships in general in the past, and about me specifically, but my emotions run wild on the issue, and to compile my thoughts in written form that won’t get me … or cause me or anyone else unnecessary … isn’t so easy. First, I must thank you for your support over the past few years, and then I must tell you of how the bizarre, sociopathic, narcissistic nature your behavior is. But the words ‘you’ and ‘yours’ here generally refer to a specific group: Jeanine, Greg, Gene and Valery, Andy, Esperanza and Tony and family, Dorothy, and Brian, mostly—all of who I hope die a tortuous and early demise. I’ve never known you to read more than a sentence or two or listen to anything I’ve ever had to say by any measure, so I’ll be as quick as I can in order to retain your attention, providing you’re still here.
I spent more than 2 years on your floor, we went to get power breakfasts and went to numerous movies together, we shared many meals together, I never showed envy or jealousy by any measure at your level of wealth compared to mine—though I know favoritisms were significant factors in your progress – and the lack of good will toward me, and I also know that it is by a large part you’re abuse of an insurance fraud scheme, but instead, I only showed appreciation to you, and yet although I bonded with you, you didn’t bond with me. The interactional transactions we had with each other could also be called kinds of prerequisites, or an absence of prerequisites, for my successes or failures at that time. A type of my sick obsession for the longing of proper relationships with family on my part – and like Matt, it was never to be – and your obsessions with your selfish selves. It killed him, and I escaped – and Cecilia escaped - but not without being severely incapacitated. I am sure that it was many siblings who helped to restrict family support for a select few of us over the years, and were smitten with glee when that support was in their favor, and not in ours, and even when I went away, but were dismayed that my tragedies weren’t worse. You tell lies behind my back and are selective with your secrets you keep from me (everyone supports my daughter’s child molester who threatened her life, and maybe even mine, as well as his molestation of other daughters, and the “What happens if Chris loses everything”), you tell my own brother that I am not to be trusted – why, but you trust the others? Jealousy, because you’re of the same age, and of the elite Nicaraguan class (you imply in a smug and dirty ways). You didn’t see opportunities of my successes for me and for yourselves, you felt a threat that needed to be contained or destroyed. The first thing I did when I got my place was to invite all of you to dinner, but Gene cancelled past the time he was due to come over for dinner, and I don’t remember anyone else coming over. By the way, Mark, you say Gene takes high risks—do you know I had zero prior knowledge of that, which you knew—Gene and I never did one thing together—other than me taking his expensive computer trainings. Did you ever come over? Here’s a woman that comes from one of the biggest shitholes in the entire world, but yet, you only saw it from your flower garden, as I understand you were part of the elite class. You would wish that misery on your one relative only – who has never done anything against you, but had only been good to you—and you offer favoritisms to everyone else. We used to say that talking behind someone’s back was a bad thing. You picked sides, as you always have, and you picked sides opposing me and my interests, as you always have, but even worse, it was all in secret, as you always have. Your bonds broke with Gene and family and Andy and family after all these years because your hypocrisies are so extreme that even you guys can’t seem to accept the lies, or keep them straight, and the dysfunctions outlast all of it. Like a mischief of rats, your plundering of the soul is diabolical. I now think that it is your group that helped kill Matt more than has been recognized, and helped put Cecilia in despair, more than acknowledged, and me, more than you could want to consider, but finally you kept me in the Will and Testament, as I know I was taken out more than once, and have been compromised for the longest of time. It should have been Greg’s inheritance that would have been redirected to Jennifer. You played on our emotions and our desires to be a part of a family that will never be, and you systematically rejected us and toyed with us in the most callous, malicious, and quite frankly, evil of ways. For more than 2 years I heard you cry and throw stammering attacks at ‘the fact’ that Cecilia and James lost their wealth because they were stupid and didn’t listen to smart guys like you (I knew nothing of that before I moved in.), and for months I heard you cry about “Why does Chris get the good job?” Even though you’ve been sucking money from an insurance fraud scheme forever, and haven’t worked for decades. Your disdain for us is bizarre and inappropriate. If I would have known then what I had known now, I never would have given you something from the Ukraine, and I would have rather given my toolbox, worth more than a couple thousand dollars, to a homeless person. I should have stopped coming over and trying to be a friend early on after you guys knew I came into money. You don’t trust me, and certainly that distrust should be reciprocated, shouldn’t it? Now I just see as you got Matt’s statue was of sentimental value more like a trophy for a prize well fought – his demise – from Mr. Redford, which sits in a gob of dust. Like that trophy, you were able to con one from me from the Ukraine for your successful wish list in my demise. You didn’t need to pry it from me because I was fully oblivious to your true intentions and true nature. I’m not jealous, but furious. You’d rather see me, at nearly 50 years of age, in trouble or on the streets than be an equal, or a friend, to murder or do myself in than to see my standing reach a non-desperate one for once in my life. You deceived dad and mom and all the rest. Deception is your nature, and you’re evil. It’s pathetic to see you brag about your economic stability on FB because most of it is stolen money from an insurance fraud scheme, and it is narcissism at its very root. It’s not good management of finances well earned, but good manipulation and distortions of the facts. Well, that’s your choice, and I’ve never mentioned being jealous of you for being supported by dad or your partnerships with him, or on your wealth, and never was, but to say you guys are somehow financially successful is not exactly the way I see it, but more of fraudsters who deserve your own cages, and child molesters in your own right. I also know, using basic logical deduction, that your influences over dad’s support and his lack of support was calculating, so congratulations. And you turn these notions and say that I am the one who is jealous if I rebuke anything you say in opposition to anything you assert. It is you who proclaim and question that I must be jealous of these imbalances. No, I am simply angry at the whole lot, and the betrayal of sincerity. I tell you a secret about my girlfriend, you tell Andy – the “Morality Man” – and he talks about me behind my back to you and to her– I still don’t know what was said – but it was enough to break us up. I fall into a deep depression—if you could only know of the losses I’ve sustained over the years, but you could never know or never experience it. You knew I was depressed and in need of someone. You even helped me reply to emails written in Spanish at work, even though it wasn’t exactly policy—and you had no qualms about that. Then Andy keeps these conversations against my good nature – if he loses everything – secret. So, certainly your morality is selective and indicative of a malevolent nature. Aunt Pris gives you the whole basket of money. Sure, it’s your prerogative, but it wasn’t moral. It was selfish and indicative of all those years of false – “cafeteria Christian” thinking. Surely you were aware that your deceptions would excommunicate you and your family from the few left you associated with, and you don’t care. And you came to My house, and I invited you in– to say that the family wanted to help me now, but after I’m successful, you says it’s ok if I lose everything at the age of nearly 50. You’d like to see your 50 year old sibling homeless again? Jeanine of course would have been more than happy to have me back at your house living for another few hundred bucks rent every month after I lose “everything”—am I right? Imagine that word – EVERYTHING. Imagine everything in your life – family, friends, and possessions, your occupation and trainings – even your feelings of success – imagine that! Imagine your love of life and achievements ripped from you. Now imagine the word “Nothing”, which is the opposite of everything. Imagine Nothing in your life. Would you accept that for yourselves or for any of your children, or friends? Imagine your siblings working to make this threat go away so much that everything becomes nothing. How many sleepless nights do you think you’d lose from that predicament, which you did not give any reason whatsoever for? How many sleepless nights do you think I’ve lost from knowing and trying to fathom those contradictions? Imagine Tony writing to everyone to tell them – smearing your good name from here to kingdom come – not to invite me to his wedding – and I’m living across the Globe, and I’ve always felt something was odd about him, that he was malicious and evil like Greg, even though he hadn’t done anything I’m aware of. Imagine your brother and sister-in-law and all of his siblings and children approving of such a notion, and all of those relatives approving of such a notion and keeping it secret from you, and then lying about it—church goers. Imagine all of these scumbags supporting your daughter’s child molester and leaving you in the dark and cold about it simultaneously. There are only 3 secrets this family has ever kept from me that I know of. Greg’s fucking of my daughter and the other daughters—he’s a serial child rapist, and you support it, but of course, it wasn’t your daughter—and he tells on me to dad because I told a young lady on the dance floor at the Saddle Rack, the “don’t tell him anything”’ lie, and the Tony writes a letter—and all his siblings supporting the lie and its incoherent nature, which it was. But, I know there were others—intentional discrimination against my person from parents and siblings—and it was coordinated and intentional, even though, none of you are more pure than I, you hypocritical bastards. At other times what was supposed to be a secret was exposed because exposing it would hurt me, a good thing in your evil eyes.
It is certainly clear that I am no less intelligent than any of you, as I have demonstrated on many occasions, but I’m certainly more gullible (psychologists and psychologists call it “vulnerable” – at the abusive hands of others), lucky for this group, I also have protective factors: Cecilia, Margie, Aileen and Kris, my students, and Ildikó, and my promise to dad. I did computers and Gene was jealous because I did it so well. I’ve learned Hungarian pretty well, and now I’m learning Chinese, and maybe you’re envious of my traits in this matter, and the trait to ‘survive’ in general. I’m horse riding and I got a black belt in taekwondo years back. I’m a teacher of English and Communications. The ironic thing about all of this is that I’m doing just about the exact opposite things you’ve implied I can’t do, or suggest of is against my character—things opposite to how you’ve defined my character, or that I have been demeaned unworthy of respect. I’m teaching others to be more successful and wiser than myself, as any good father, sibling, friend, business partner, or teacher would feel the obligation to do. I teach doctors and lawyers, financiers, and economists, and prominent business people, children and senior citizens, and everyone else in between. I translate and proofread documents and books that are published. I teach people the art of communication, as I am a communications instructor now, and I must admit, a pretty good one. And all of my latest works are diametrically opposing to any fuckin’ lying attributes you’ve attached to me. Now I know what Matt meant when he said that “Everything is a lie”.
An example of a supportive family who knows the values.
(If you go to about 3:55, you’ll see the girl’s family applauding).
Imagine your daughter getting fucked by your brother, a brother who is then supported by your parents, and all his many siblings, and their kids—a brother who threatened her with death if she told, and a brother—because you’re so fuckin’ gullible—you buy insurance from. Imagine your Nicaraguan sister-in-law claiming that it’s Ok if you live in squalor, just like those pitiful scumbags she despised in her own country, after living on her floor for two years, and imagine that she got mad because you bought a motorcycle rather than leave. Imagine her getting hysterical because you bring a friend to the house—a black friend. Imagine the many inconsistencies and lack of …. Imagine your brother telling you that you “need to see a warden” but the entire time supported and nurtured your daughter’s molester. Imagine that you never see your kids, and grandkids. Imagine your daughter having little to no education because she was kidnapped, abused and raped by her mother’s side.
Talking behind your back used to be frowned on, and for good reason. Andy isn’t the “Morality Man”, but just the opposite. Evil has no bounds. It is sure that once all of this has been exposed in the light that I would never want to be a part of any of your sick games again. You’ve played the same scenarios over and over and I could go back into our early childhood, and you’ve never matured, but I’m closing now.
Now I’ve survived, but it is doubtful I’ll die a … death. I just hope that those on my list..that I can hear about their painful last days before my life ends. You are the people who—and I know it was everyone—said that if I went to mom’s funeral, that you wouldn’t go because you’re scared of me. If you were truly scared of me, you wouldn’t have done what you did. You aren’t nice people and you are about the worst type of siblings anyone could ask for. You’re closer to evil than to anything I’d consider Christian-like. I am a survivor, and I must learn better how to deal with such manipulative anti-everything-biblical fools.
I just found out yesterday that Ildikó’s daughter had a baby – they had kept her pregnancy and relationship secret from me the whole time. Why? Who the fuck can understand it? Now I’m supposed to play the part of a grandfather, but I don’t think it should work that way.